So...I have this friend I have known since I was in 9th grade. He is a house owner and I am just starting to look. He owns a pontoon boat also but wants a speed boat. So his comedic plan...I can just live with him and by a speed boat. This is how that conversation went. I thought it was rather funny and he's a jokester himself. I'm in pink and he is in blue: Enjoy a totally radom email read LOL! Kind of like snooping isn't it...

:)

Hello :o) How are you

I’m good….how is your day?

Going good. I am sleepy. I stayed up till 12:56 reading a book.

Must have been a good book. I am sleepy too…just because I want to sleep in J

That sounds good. I wish I could have slept in today too. I think that would have been SSOOOOOO nice.

Yep….I have been wanting to all week....Saturday I will! J

Sounds good. I’m on board with that plan! I plan to…guess real hard…clean up the house.Then I want to go house looking in 'oz' (name change to protect the...not so innocent)
What are you doing?

Not sure yet, I’m thinking I got something to do, just can’t think of it…I do this all the time J

…insert funny comment here…Really? LOL!

You should go look at boats J

LOL! What about a house?

LOL….I told you, I have a house…but not a ski boat J

Yes, the dogs will probably get too hot outside tomorrow.

Almost J….you don’t need to know how to ski, we ride the inner tubes and knee board J

Ahh-ha!LOL! Hmm…House or skiboat. I mean that is a tough decision…You know I’d have to change the color of the door to like peach or white and I’d rip up the carpet in a few of the rooms and put in a new color and I’d have to totally chuck the curtains and comforter and make it more girly. You better hope I choose the house…LOL!

I’m not totally against change…but we might have to compromise on some of it J

The compromise…

---me and *** you:

---I’m going to call somebody to paint the door and rip up the carpet in a few rooms

***no your not. I don’t want it changed. I rather like it.

---Well okay…I’ll paint it myself and rip it up myself and then it’ll be changed

*** no your not. I don’t want it changed. I rather like it. (meanwhile after you come home from work the next day…)

***what did you do to the carpet

---I’m so sorry. I was trying to iron a shirt and the iron fell. I am so sorry about the burn.

***I guess we can either call someone to rip it up and get new carpet or we can do it this weekend.

---Are you sure…Is that really okay

***Sure it is. We’ll get it done this weekend ---Oh great. Let me grab my shoes and we can go look at carpeting. I’m so excited. That my friend…is how compromise goes. LOL!

lol

So you think that’s how it would go?

Pretty much …since you are the woman, and always right J

So it has hit me. The Twilight bug has hit me.
Shazzy let me borrow the New Moon book Tuesday-you know the follow up to Twilight-the 2nd book in the series. I finished it last night at 12:56pm exactly.

My reading ran like this:

"Edward...How can you leave her?" I screamed at the book as I laid on my bed. The plush comforter underneath my skin had no ease on the blow I felt. The disappointment glowered as I debated on rather or not to finish reading the book. "You are such a liar you said you would always love her! You jerk! How could you be so righteously selfish?" the words continued to pour out of my mouth as they lingered in the room. The familiar sting of love lost shuddered through my body. I winced. I continued reading...

Bella slowly lost touch with reality and spiraled in to that pit that only unrequited love can force upon you. How could he have done this? Knowing the very pain she felt I cursed Edward"You jerk. I hope you are tormented everyday. I hate you". But I didn't. I longed for her hurt to go away. For Edward to run back and throw his arms around her. Kiss her forehead. Place his hand upon her chin and tell her everything was going to be okay. But life isn't like that. There's not a gentle hand that comes along to wipe the tears away. There aren't any princes that wrap their arms around you and block out all the pain. Your left with the very real, very knowing that your heart is broken. Nothing can fix it. Nothing can heal it. Nothing can mend it but the very one who broke it. I continued...


Jacob was as sweet as can be. So innocent. So real. So alive. But then the smell of a rose lingers effortlessly and with ease in your mind but the prick of it's thorn leaves a burned image upon your soul. I desperately wanted Edward back... I read on

Jacob wound up being a ware wolf. Bella met the other wolves and was in there presence. All the while though there was something so wreck less, so uninvolved about them. It felt as though I was watching the blue collar comedy group. A complete bunch of uncouth, unsocialized, adolescent boys. How I longed for the refinement of the 'bloodsuckers'. The refined speech of the Cullens. The refinement of Edward. "Where are you Edward? Why? Why? You jerk!" escaped my consciousness through my lips. I craved to know why? I wondered of Jasper...how he was.
Jasper...content with who he is. What he is. Sure of his self. Learning his restraints. I missed Jasper. Missed Edward. Missed Alice. Missed Esme. Missed Emmett. Missed Dr. Carlisle. Missed...well. I had to read on.

Veronica the vampire was still a real threat. Bella hallucinates. I know those hallucinations. I've imagined the feeling of a lost loves arms wrapped around me. Heard there voice say they loved me. But not real. Not there. How can I read this book. I stopped and breathed. But I had to continue on. 'Please Meyer you can't do this' etched through my brain. I need to know that there is an escape in this book. 'Please return Edward' I silently hoped. I begged. I had to read on...

Edward is in trouble. No hint of anger left. He did her horribly. But he was in trouble and she had to go help. I wanted her to help. I yearned for her to help. I needed her to help. I needed Edward to be kept safe. I needed him to know she was still living. I needed her to have the chance, even if he died, for her to have the chance to ask 'why?' and hoped he would tell her. I longed for him to hold her. To comfort her. To want her. To ache for her. To love her. The story continued...

She winds up saving him and he her. We learn that she can dispel most vampire 'talents' involving the mind. I wanted to know more about that but... he held her. Edward held her. Edward kissed her. Edward wrapped his arms around her and made the pain stop. Edward was sorry. Edward wanted her. Edward ached for her. Edward...loved her. I could sleep. The book was through. I was content. Nothing else mattered. Hurt feelings, others, nothing. He loved her. That was all she...
I...
we needed.

and so there I was whining to shazzy 'I'm so mad! He lost my phone and I'm yelling at the top of my lungs and it's like he doesn't even care about my things! Then to top it all off I am just tired. I am tired or repeating the same things over and over...brush your teeth...take a shower...flush the toilet...clean your room...don't be mean to your brother..."

This all over my 13 year old. It's as if you talk into one ear and there it goes out the other; sailing to the next continent.
and my rant continues...
"I mean give me a break. I have told them...
(them being the 9 year old now lumped into the same pile of mess)
...since they were 3 to keep their hands and feet to themselves and not touch things that don't belong to them. I mean...Stop touching my shit"

This rant continues to Shazzy as she just patiently listens.
Yes a big pity party. I am completely aware. None of these are my best adult moments I can tell you. But it is what it is. and I do see it for what it is.

So she goes to the car and talks to them a little that she knows they can do better and so forth.

We go home...I calm down...having gotten it out of my system and still no phone.
Later that evening I tell the boys I am running to Nana's for a moment and will be right back.

Now Nana lives 2 minutes from us. You can walk there and spit 3 times and your there.
I was going to show our pet, we'll call "Napoleon"who is an apple head chihuahua. I had came home that evening to see blood all over is chest. He had gotten into a fight with something and had incisor lacerations and scratches. I wanted her to look to see if he needed stitches. Turns out after bathing him you could see scratch marks and little incisor indents and tears in his skin from a cat who was cornered by a chihuahua with a'little dog' complex. As I am ready to leave my mother says my son left his phone in her truck and I should take it and use it until he produces mine. Sounds like a good idea...so I do.

Today as I am sitting in the car I decide to put a background on his phone using one of his pictures he's taken with his phone. As I am trying to decide which one I find a camera shot of a porn magazine picture with a girl bending over, her skirt hiked up, with a guy behind her. So...now a little upset wondering what the heck is my 13 year old doing when I thought he was keeping it clean , I check his ya-hoo. There is a registration request for Lesbian videos. So now...I'm pretty much what the hell do I say. I don't have a clue how to address this. I am a little taken back right now.

Anyways...Shazzy and I go to lunch and she brings with her the sweetest thing. She made me a t-shirt that has a respect logo on the left chest and on the back a big respect logo with the word 'Respect' printed on it. It was so sweet. So thoughtful. So caring.

'Here's the personal part...and I am not sorry and I make no apologies...this is my story...the incognito dreamer story...'thank you Shazzy. That was very thoughtful and touched my heart. Thank you so much for thinking about me and going beyond just letting me vent to actually making a gesture that says 'hey I feel what your going through. I can empathise. I heard what you had to say and your not in this alone"...Good night Shazzy." (insert boyscout salute here)

I'm so excited! I get my 'twilight' netflix in 2 days!!! I can't wait to watch it. I hope it is as spectacular as the book!

Who of you is hooked on Twilight? I am one of your new converts. Damn those Cullens!

I have heard many women speaking of Twilight. What a good movie. What fabulous books. I have resisted and resisted. My girlfriend 'Shazzy' and a member from the play cast, we'll call 'Cinderella' were talking about this book. I being honest told them I hadn't a clue what they were talking about as I have never read them.
So on a warm summer day during the 2cnd week in June a 'Twilight' book was bestowed upon me by Shazzy Shallowitz. During the latter part of that week continuing in to the 3rd I became a new convert to the 'Cullens' following.

Being a member of this coveted group I can now insert my opinions openly and honestly. And if I didn't...well Alice would see them but I doubt Edward could read them. A few things do perturb me about the 'Cullens'. Here are those things:

1) Edward and his controlling mood swings adding to sexual frustration! I understand they are in high school and Bella is only 17 and I should from a moral standpoint not want this...but come on already! Every time she latches on to him in a passionate furry he pulls back and makes her wait. She has to just sit still while this furry is burning inside her. He gives the rhetoric that he just doesn't know if he could handle it if he was in such a passionate state...that she could get hurt.
But seriously I am reading it and he kisses her jaw, her cheeks, eyelids, throat, and I'm like come on! Give me the rest! Don't stop it again!

hmm..gives rough sex a new name. I wonder if warming lotion would have any effect on the cold stone feeling I am sure would happen...okay back to the point? Just a wonder.)

Adding to the pressure is I like to read the book late at night around 10, nude, and in the bed.
Why... It's my new found freedom of nudity and I am rather enjoying it, but that's another blog.

2) I want to know more about Jacob. He just kind of flushes in but he know more than he puts on. He may be only 15 but the boy know something more than we are eluded to. And Billy...just say it already. Tell me in detail.

3)Rose...get over it already. Either say something, kick the crap out of her, kill her, or befriend her, but stop with the glaring already. It's getting old. Are you jealous cause Edward just couldn't see you in that light and you had to take another as yours? But glare one more time and I feel a 'bitch' slap is perfectly acceptable here...let's have Esme, Alice, or Jasper do it. Just cause I think it would be funny. Or hell let's let Bella do it and then Esme say to Rose.."uh-uh-uh. Don't even think about it. You needed it..."

4)When Jasper says to Bella that 'you think you are not worth it, but you are' I wanted more. I wanted to hear the rest of the words. I didn't want to have to try and fill in the rest.

5)Talk to me Edward. Talk to me. You get started and then you stop. Heck you've had a century to get it right. But when he talks...I like it. Oh I like it. Bella...I mean...when he talks Bells likes it.

6)And Charlie. Just tell him. Enough with the secrets. "Hey Dad...by the way my boyfriends a controlling, centuries old, perpetually 17 year old vampire who can 'dazzle', read minds, is strong as a God, and makes my knees melt.Not to mention hot as hell and stares at me all night long while I sleep because he can't. But don't worry Dad...I won't be losing my virginity because apparently if we try he'll rip my throat open. But no worries...I'm heading to the woods to play baseball in the thunder and lightening..."

"...ahhh...sure Bell. Make sure you take a raincoat. Be back home early..."

Yeah I think that would go over well.

That's it so far....I want to know more. The writer as good at keeping the suspense so you have to keep reading because you just have to know. There isn't a good point in the book where your like "okay I can stop now and just pick it up tomorrow". I have to force myself to stop reading.
I had to stop last night at 1:56 or was it 1:26 can't remember, Edward had 'dazzled me'. I left it when she was in the hospital after the 'tracker' incident. I can't wait to read more!

Oh and about the reading...I should be able to finish this book quickly but I find myself stopping and talking aloud...like you know these characters can here me ;) and then I have to go back a bit just in case I missed something. Ahhh...I'm dazzled. That sucks!

What are my random thoughts for the next two minutes?
Starting...now...

oh a thought
pretty lamp light
Tom what do you want
Jon just smile you look so much handsomer when you do
I wonder what the meeting is going like
There you are again
oops he is right next to me going in the kitchen
what kind of cologne do you wear?
hmm...
brian
elite music
Lex
elite music
father Jim
priest
collar
chair
sex

There...end of 2 minutes.

So yesterday, my friend 'hubbabalooba' was in this odd mood. But for some reason it really worked.
She's directing the play I'm in and yesterday was the first day I've really seen the complete focus of her directing abilities. It was absolutely amazing to watch. I don't know what got into her, but it was amazing. Here let me explain:

So we are working on a scene that involved this older gentleman will call him 'stubborn Hossenfeffer'. He was to play a German Jew that survived the Holocaust and was listening to a rant. The direction from 'hubbabalooba' was something to the effect of
'I want to see you react to this rant as Syd would. I want to see you utilize your space."

From here we got to listen to 'stubborn Hossenfeffer' go on and on for what felt like freaking 15 minutes about how he thinks he, as Syd would just sit there. Then he asked 'hubbabalooba' to show him what she means.
She does and boy does she. It was neat to watch 'hubbabalooba' work. She went from 'hubbabalooba' the director to Syd. It was pretty cool. Then after that you think ''stubborn Hossenfeffer' would have it right? Oh $%^&*!@# No!
He's got to go on again how moving would take away from the rant and blah, blah, blah.

People...we are talking about a slight stand up as an old guy and gaze. Move a little and react calmly with a "GAZE". I mean come on.

So 'hubbabalooba' interjects and really puts her foot down. She said something to the effect of 'this scene is about such and such and it is not about the rant. Moving would enhance..blah blah..." ...but got it to the point. In essence she told him diplomatically what I would have said bluntly
" Look just do what I tell you, I am the director and I know it will work you are going on like this is the only performance in the entire play just do it you stubborn ass!"

But the neat part comes as I was watching her direct "gray" in his take on Beethoven. It was awesome. I sat there and just caught myself staring. Here was this creative process taking place and 'hubbabalooba' was so precise, so focused, so in control of what was going on in developing this picture.

Let me see if I can explain the 'awe' in what I observed...

While watching 'hubbabalooba' at that moment she wasn't a she. She wasn't a he either...Ha! But it was as 'hubbabalooba' was not a gender at all but a creative force, a creative energy if you will that was gliding from the directors chair to the stage and creating this beautiful and wonderful scene and conveying it to 'gray' in a manner that commanded him by sheer energy and presence to grab hold and create along side the energy.

I hope I conveyed the whole happening of last night, because it was absolutely amazing. Absolutely amazing. Words simply do not do it justice.

What am I thinking for the next 3 minutes...go...

Pickled Roses
Monty Python
Lacy Teddies
Stilettos
Education
Obama what the heck
The budget
Military
Military Men
Sex
Gas
Comedy Central
Mad TV
Shazzy
My butt
Windows
Nibble
Oreo Cookie
Creamy Middle
Jelly filled Doughnut
Wonder if I spelled that right
Cipro
nausea
children
play
lines
did I memorize them
do i know it
Really need to finish act 2
only started act 1
Don't know the German lyrics
need to study
voice coach
performance night
rock stars
back stage sex
Brian
Elite Music
Gray Hair
Lex
hot sex
oral sex
elite music
suck on lip
kiss
tongues
Elite Music
rock star
black t-shirts
Paula Cole
candy apple
apple pie
i sure make a great apple pie
make a kids a desert
wonder what they want
chocolate
chocolate cookies
boss
better end this
got to go
press save
wait not yet
wonder what happened in the meeting
power
sexy
long trench coat
stilettos
black
no red
bustier
garters
thigh highs
perfume
riding
hands on thighs
priest
orgasm
maybe i shouldn't type that
hiking
Greece
going to the mountains
laying on the beach
hiking
travel
play
got to go
love
fondness
smile
contentment
ahh
love
save this now it's probably too long

So another session with Shazzy's priest...
Nope, the jump didn't fade.
Wonder if he noticed?

Placid
Content
Rested

Sweet
Demure
Pure

Swayed
Pushed
coerced

Rude
Blunt
Aggressive

Apathetic
Thoughtless
Determined


All these things I am not.
Any I could be.

Everything I am.

This is almost exactly what I was like as a kid...Kind of scary...

Young Libra

Libra is an Air sign represented by the balancing scales, which are also used to signify justice. This sign is related to the planet Venus, and takes special delight in all things beautiful, including music, design, architecture, and fair relationships. Children born under this sign will favor harmony and order. The bodily organs associated with Libra are the kidneys. Kidneys purify our blood, which is akin to how Libra takes pleasure in pure things. What is necessary in life can also be made beautiful, according to Libra. Librans gravitate to symmetrical beauty (again, note the kidneys). Do not be surprised if Libra children are neat and orderly! Early in life they will heed your words about keeping their room tidy, but do not expect this kind of obedience in every facet of their upbringing! They may find their own ideas much more interesting than yours, so you will also find yourself having stimulating conversations with children of this sign.

In fact, Libra is the sign associated with the law. Not necessarily lawyers one sees on TV, but the law itself: a pure set of ideas created for the purpose of maintaining harmony for humanity. Libra is a noble and high-minded sign. Nothing will upset Libra children more than unfairness. Whether this is encountered on the playground with peers or at home with siblings, you will know their bitter reaction to being treated unfairly, or even witnessing a lack of fairness. It may be necessary to explain at an early age the hard truth that life is full of injustices. Libra prefers black and white. Hopefully you can be the one to gently help your young Libra understand that sometimes the truth lies in the gray area of emotion, and begin to help them cope with that by establishing what fair relationships are about.

So I had to comment on new Moon hottie doggies blog site. I of course had to change the name as to keep my anonymity under wraps, LOL! So a QuirkyBus on google has been created :)

Let's give a warm therapeutic welcome to QuirkyBus shall we:

Director:Everyone say hello to QuirkyBus!

group: Hello Quirky Bus! Your warm and safe here!

QuirkyBus: Oh they like me they really like me...

group: So Quirky Bus what comment did you put?

QuirkyBus: You sure you will still think I'm smart?

group: Of course!

Director: Remember Quirky this is a warm, safe place.

QuirkyBus: I posted:
I agree the rest of the country does have a long way to go. There can be talk of going 'green' but in the Southeast it is not set up as practical. The retail is not conducive to the 'green' set up. It would take a complete revision on the way things are outlined.
I will make the point though that having going 'green' in a round about way, contributes to a group forming a cohesive communal society. This idea is embraced freely in the European cultures but the south or should I be so bold in saying the American culture has not embraced this view so easily. Until we change this view I do not believe we will ever be able to be completely 'green'.
Also in a side note...I feel that the houses that are 'environmentally friendly' are so unique because it is still such a foreign and unique concept to many. It's a stretch but hmmm...food for though.
Here is an interesting site:
http://www.coopamerica.org/about/NewNameSameMission.cfm

Group: That's good Quirky. I think that sounded so distinguished.

Later that evening as everyone breaks and the are at their place of residing, the director is overheard at a dinner table of colleagues and friends:

Director: What the F%^* I had this ^&* person in my group today. You should have heard the ignorant %^&* they posted on someones blog site.

I don't know, but I wonder if therapist ever do that. Would be interesting to know. Any therapists out there care to reveal, LOL!

Oh my

So I just went and saw Xmen-Wolverine.

I mean can this guy not get any hotter?

He is SMOKIN'! To quote Paula Coles song lyrics to 'Feelin Love':

"You make me feel like a candy apple

Red and horny

You make me feel like I wanna be a dumb blonde

In a centerfold,

the girl next door..."
It was pretty good. I heard reviews it wasn't that great and I believe 'shazzy' said it wasn't that great, but...it rocked! I loved it. It had action! I mean where else can you stare at Hugh Jackman all throughout the movie?
I did enjoy the twist with the girl at the end. It eluded a bit to it on the bridge when she moved the truckers but very cool. Very neat.

So a co-worker (known as 'moondoggy' from here on out)...

rabbit trail: yes moondoggy is an attractive man if you must know. He's got this sexy, mysterious, free spirit about him. And he has got the biggest turn on a girl could ask for...he is smart.

Okay the three turn ons for me:

1)smart

2)self assured

3)a large nose

Now I know the large nose. I can't help it. Maybe that's shallow. Everybody has got some physical feature that they like. Me...I like a large nose. I don't want a man with a small nose. I don't want any daintiness. Step up you Italian studs, you jewish men, you Moon doggies of the world. I don't want any cuteness! . Cause I love your nose! Something about the way it aligns on a man's face is hot. It makes them look so sexy, so unique, so set apart from what is traditionally hot. I like the rugged imperfections. I like all those flaws the world says no to that make me feel weak in the knees and bite my lip.

But even if you have the hottie nose and are not smart...I just can't help you there. Nothing is more of a turn off than a man who is not smart. I love to just listen. Sit and listen to whatever topic you can ramble about. Whether it be 'how a nuclear atom splits', 'why we watch the stock market', 'gardening' or 'philosophical trues' just talk. Talk Baby Talk!

Nothing can make you want to just lick your lips and thank God that your a woman than the sound of a man who can make the English language purr off of his lips. A man that holds to the grammatical rules...ouch pinch me let me know that you are alive.

Okay even longer side trail...dream man...what would he posses. What would the man I fall head over heels for possess? I mean I talk a lot of smack, and at one point in my life sure I was risque' but now...I want that one man that I want to be best friends, lovers, partners, team mates with. That one man who can handle my risque' side, the demure side, the creative side, the wild child, the romantic, the spontaneous, the structured, the nympho, the lovable, the cautious, the free, the childless, the mother, the bitch, the saint, the whore, the Spiritual, the outgoing, the introverted, the active, the quiescent, the shy, the bold, the caring, the apathetic, the outdoorsy, the homemaker, the all the contradictions I am.

Okay so what would I put...he'd obviously 1, 2, & 3 from previous list, LOL! He would be patient. Sincere. Caring. Loving. Calm. Trustworthy. Honest. Independent. Grounded.

He would have to...love life. love family. love to play.

He would have to have a sense of humor. like other people.

Basically I want a man who can love life as much as I do. But...I want my opposite. I want the guy who can balance me and I him. To draw on each others strengths. He is going to have to have the patience of a saint and a heart of gold to deal with me. I know this. I am quite a handful. Not a dramatic handful, but boring I am not. Life with me changes. It's continuous. One thing is consistent though. If I love you. I'll always love you. No matter what.

Oh and another tangent...I don't fall easy. I am interested easily. I think because I love to learn. I love to grow in knowledge. I know tidbits of this and of that, but I love to listen and learn.

One more random thought before I get back to the point... Construction workers and Mechanics. They can do the 2 most fascinating things. At my old job I would exit the office on my break and go hang out in the mechanics bay under the truck and he would show me things. At first he thought I was hitting on him but it truly is fascinating to me. So he'd show me all kinds of things. Secret wish...I want a Carmagia body and rebuild the engine and soup up. I need a guy who knows about mechanics and PATIENT to show me...Any takers?

Construction...wow. To be able to produce something whether aesthetic are functional with your own 2 hands how AWESOME and INSPIRING.

But fall easy I do not. It takes a long time to win my heart. Heck my first husband and only husband before he succombed to drugs and fell out of life took years to win my heart. I turned him down numerous times. We hung out and were close but he never had my heart. But when he had it, he had it. A lot of men seem to mistake my interest for winning me. No...I am afraid these are two totally different packages my friend. I may want to spend time with you and know all about you but this does not mean I have opened the door for all there is to know of me. Is that bad??? No, I think just careful. Well...I'll give you all the openess I am...but not all I am. Does that make sense?

Okay...okay...enough of random interventions...the co-worker:

asked what I was doing...the whole ' thou shall not tell a lie' popped in my head so I said 'blogging'. They then wanted to read my blog...I had to explain the whole anonymity deal kind of makes this thing work.
So..sorry I would tell ya...but then I would have to kill you... and keep my little exploitations and sexploitations to my self. What kind of blogging would that be?

So...question...How many of you blog because you have anonymity and how many blog with an opinion or a topic on things without anonymity...or do you blog about your personal life with your identity in the open?

Personally I am such an open person in my everyday life that I find the guise of ambiguity rather fascinating and appealing.

But they did make me wonder; after they gave me their blog site, of hmmm....what opinion would I like to express. What topic would fascinate me to talk about? I think that is something I shall ponder. I believe I may change my blog around a little bit after that brainstorm. What shall I blog...oh let me see..oh let me see... what do I know quite a bit about that I could blog on...I know of sex, temptation, seduction, sax playing, saltwater aquariums, sharks, spirituality, herbs - not that herb, books, mummies, historical torture, a bunch of useless information I have learned over the years of this and that, or a few friends have mentioned to...I could simply write of my life and what I have lived in and through. Hmmm...food for thought.

What topics would fascinate readers to read? What topics would you be interested in to read?

Whoops... just wanted to confess...

I had another thought about the priest.

Is that bad?

Not a bad thought...

Depending on who you tell

The wedgie

What's the first thing you do when you get a wedgie? Find any means necessary to get rid of it right?

The office is a buzzed with a meeting going on in the side conference room. Things are normal. The normal hum of the air conditioner. The normal coughs and sniffs from various people in the office and meeting. The normal sound of someone giving a lecture. All just normal.

But nothing was normal about the wedgie edging carefully between my cheeks. Oh what to do to remove it! Wiggle to the left, no such luck. To the right, ow that hurt a little. Shimmy, nope didn't help. So I reach around and grab the pantyline through my dress but I just can't get a hold of it. So now what?

Well like any self respecting person who has a 'double' wedgie I looked to the left...looked to the right...no one there...

hiked that dress right up and put my finger, one on each side, of the panty line and shimmied while I pulled the wedgie out...what's that...

"Ah, (insert name here) do you know where (insert co-worker name here) is?"

While I turn with and there he is... the owner and the boss... and there I am...with my dress hiked up in the back, my fingers under my pantyline and pulling my wedgie out...

Moral of the story:You should double look or just go to the rest room to remove your wedgies!

True story...



Sitting in the chair
cold
hot
heart racing
going through the song selection for the play...



he calls out
'louder'
'can you sing louder'
tears trickle down my face

Not mean
helpful
scared
I'm scared


I have confidence
strong
solid
singing shakes it



'sing like your really hungry'
'like you want to eat a meal'
""ooooh yeaaaahhh""
sounds louder

"Now sing it"
'Okay sing it'
sounds better
feel better
tears dry up

Sit there
proud
scared
vulnerble
showing all sides

hide
smile
cover
oh yes i belong

I'm human.

Focus...

A friend we'll call her 'Shazzy' had wrote in her blog of 'focus therapy' how she finally put a name to the feelings of why her ex made her so upset all the time. I believe I have just had an experience similar.

While watching 'Ghost Town' Tea Leoni says of her dead husband that he was unfaithful. The dead husband makes a comment that he never knew she knew and Tea Leoni goes on and says something to the effect of 'why wasn't I enough' ... (pause to get breath and hold back tears)...

That hit me. That really hit me. It was like scales being torn from my eyes and I could see it. The whole deal with my 'husband removed' and his drug problem, going in and out of rehab, getting better only to relapse, his going out in the middle of the night searching for drugs, even digging through dumpsters, made me feel...'why am i not enough?"

I cried and cried when I got the revelation watching the movie. That was exactly what all the blows to my self-esteem were, the anger burst...not knowing where they came from, the frustration, the hurt, the sadness, the bitterness...it was all...'why wasn't i enough?'

Why wasn't I enough to love, why wasn't I enough to fulfill your craving, why wasn't I enough'.

So now this revelation ponders in my soul...when i realize...

when i really realize...

when I really realize I am enough...

I will be.