An old Journal

I was cleaning today and found one of several journals I had written in. I opened it up and came across a few freestyles I wrote. I immediately remembered the night they were written. I remember the tears that streamed down my face. I remembered the pain of my heart ripping into pieces and wondering if they would ever be able to be put back together. I remember thinking will the pain ever stop hurting. Will the nightmare ever end or would it always be that way.

Since this blog is about the thoughts of a divorced woman and what she experiences in the dark nights when no one is there to listen I thought what an insight on what it is like to live in the midst of hell. What it is like to live in the midst of a husband with a secret addiction and feel helpless because you want to believe with all your heart that he is not on anything the whole while everything else is telling you he is. What torment it is to wake up in the middle of the night to find he's left you again and all you want is for someone to hold you and tell you everything is going to be alright. To know what agony to have absolutely no one to call because you have been isolated from the entire world and all you have are the children you are trying to protect and your own thoughts. The thoughts that wreak havoc on your sanity as each day passes that your there. So...with out further interruption...here are the few freestyles I came across that were written out of the deepest pain through tear flooded eyes:

Daddy's car

Shh...Can you hear that?

Nope it's just the neighbor coming home

Shh...Can you hear that?

Nope...just myself and the boys all alone.

Shh...Can you hear that?

Nope it's just the hush of my son's cries

Shh...Can you hear that?

Nope, it's just my son wishing there were no goodbyes.

Shh...can you hear that?

Nope it's just the sound of drums

Shh...Can you hear that?

Nope, it's just the anger of (son's name here), the youngest son.

Shh...Can you hear that?

Nope, it's not daddy's car

Shh...can you hear that?

No, no, it's not Daddy.

His heart is still so very far.

A marriage slipping

Listening, waiting

quiet, hating

hurt, sadness

silence, madness

breaking, tearing, begging, pleading

confusion, quilt

despair, wilt

Weak, pain

lost, shame.

A happy family

(Older son's name here) is sad, sensitive, angry, stressed, emotional, ready to pop

(Younger son's name here) is angry, acting out, mad and inconsolably sad

Mom is worn out, crying, hurting, wanting it to stop

(Spouse's name here) is out there lost, wasting, lying, forgotten about being Dad.

Slipping

So Black.

So Black.

So BLACK!

I'm so alone. So alone. So ALONE!

So Heavy. So heavy. So heavy.

Why? Why? Why?

So discarded and tossed aside.

The pain so intense inside. So much my lips feel numb. So much my cheeks are numb. Tears stream, can't stop.

Slipping. Slipping. Slipping.

So BLACK. so Black. so black.

I just have one more thing to say...

damn it sexy! You have blocked my creative mojo. I need it back please, if you can remember where you stashed it. I would like it back now.

I just got back from karate and kickboxing class. What's my skill? In karate I think I am alright. In kickboxing...I have no idea. I think I lag in comparison to the skilled fighters at our dojo. They had the grappling going on and sensei asked if I wanted to go. I chickened out. I told him 'I wouldn't even know what to do." They were good. I must admit there was a guy there tonight who was very skilled. I won't lie I he wasn't hard on the eyes either. But this is class...I'm learning here.

During the class they put one person in the middle. That person has to fight for so and so minutes against each person in the training class. So, there I am, pink wraps, boxing gloves and I come in on 'Big Teddy'. The guy is huge. Take a linebacker, shape em' up, and teach him to fight...That's 'Big Teddy'. All he has to do is lift his leg and his knee covers 1/4 of mine. And that's just what happened. I threw a kick which he blocked and a huge bruise is now magically forming on my thigh. Like pink hearts, yellow moons and purple horseshoes but there's nothing magically delicious about it. Did it hurt. Hell yes. I am not going to lie. Is it still hurting once again a resounding yes as I lay here with it aching. Will I do it again? You better believe it.

Someone else at our class was there and guess what scent wafted my way... mint and smoke. Now he is definately not hard on the eyes either, but this is class I told you guys. We are not going there! What is it with mint and smoke? Do you recall the blog of the priest? Well similar to that experience flashed through my eys the moment it crossed my scent. It has become an aphrodisiac more me. It is the strangest thing.

After I cam home I tucked my son in bed, took a shower and am ready to go to bed myself. I tried to call one of my friends but they didn't answer so...after several days I tried to call Sexy tonight. No answer. We'll see if he returns the call tomorrow. If not, I guess I know.

And here it is with the divorce. One of the hardest times I have is laying in bed by myself in those still moments. There is no one to tell how you did kickboxing today and have a bruise and your thigh is hurting like hell. There's no one to lean over to and tell about your sons accomplishments how in karate class he did a standing front flip over a bag. There's no one to lean over to and say 'I love you and I am so glad your in my life.' These are the toughest moments there are. These are the moments that if I had any tears left I am sure they would come. You can only fill the day and evening up with so many things before you have to stop and rest. Unfortunately that's when the mind stops and thinks.

I am comfortable with just me. I am confident in who I am but, I want some one to share this life with.

So...Any takers? Applications are now being accepted.

Revised and corrected edition of: "The Fantasy"

I felt in the mood for a little erotica. Have fun bloggers!

She enters the club. Not knowing quite what to expect, but knowing she's here to unlock something inside her. Something that keeps screaming to be unleashed. She casually sits at the bar and scans the room. Nothing unusual that sings out. An older gentleman across the bar, nursing a beer obviously avoiding going home to the nagging wife. A few guys across the bar as one smiles at her while he brings his crown and coke to his lips. . She watches the other girls as they walk about the club. Their shirts all cut low and hugging their bodies tightly. They wear slacks and dresses that show off their bait of bare thighs and breasts to their potential catches. Some have already succeeded and huddle with their prey at their tables wrapped in each others arms. Their lips heatedly connected. She sits their wondering 'what the hell am I here for?'

She forgoes the slacks or dresses as their a part or her required everyday bait and instead sits in her favorite blue jeans that she thinks hugs her apple bottomed ass in all the right places. Her shirt is lowered, but not to revealing as she is not yet ready to give up all of her ladiness and inhibitions. Not here. Not now. Not yet. But then why is it she's here?

She gazes across the crowded room to the dance floor where she hears the music pumping loudly through the air. Then she notices him. There in the midst of all the women swaying their bodies to the music... he's there. What she's seen in the midst of her fantasies as she sits at work. What she's heard screaming from inside her. Why she's here. Lust. Pure. Simple. Heated Lust.

He's athletically built, taller than she. His eyes penetrating and a smile that emits the utmost confidence. She watches as he glides his partner around the dance floor. Pulling her close to him and then spinning her out. He catches her right as she spins to pull her back to him. In complete control and rhythm he moves her to the music. An erotic scene danced between the two of them as the music pumps throughout their bodies. He places his hand on her hip as they sway. He moves her with such grace, with such ease.

So there at the bar she watches the scene unfolding. She bites her lip and grabs her drink a little tighter. Envious of the girl on the dance floor. Envious not of the girl herself but of the way he touches her. Envious of the look he gives her. Envious of the way he makes her look like she's the only one that matters at that very moment. She licks her lips while wishing she was that girl. Just for that moment.

The music ends and the man releases his partner. He walks to the bar right next to wear she sits. He leans in to the young female bartender who giggles as he places his order and the scent of him catches the lady sitting. The hint of his cologne filling through her pores as she imagines the sweet smell engulfing her body.

He takes the drink from the bartender and turns to her. He smiles, says 'hello' and all she can do is smile. How can she tell him she wants to feel his body wrapped completely around hers. How can she tell him his smell is driving her wild. How can she tell him she wants to feel his lips pressed to hers.

'Who are you here with' he asks her. She looks around. Is he talking to her? He asks again 'Who are you here with?' She replies 'no one' and he casually says 'well then, maybe I'll see you on the dance floor.' She accepts the invitation graciously 'sure, maybe.' and watches him disappear into the sea of people...

Later as she still sips her drink she spots him on the dance floor. He looks up to the bar and motions for her to join him. Hesitantly she gets up and moves out to the floor, mesmerized by his enticement.... I'll leave out the details here :)

Later...

...She steps into the room as her heart flutters in excitement. Her breast clearly seen through the pink, lace chemise. Her nipples hard with anticipation as she walks to the bed where he calmly lays propped up on the pillows reclining into the headboard. That smile. That lust emanating smile. Those eyes. Those penetrating eyes. He motions for her to come. She accepts the invitation and moves toward him.

She crawls onto the bed where he draws her toward him. He pulls her lips toward his and presses them softly to hers. His lips part hers and he descends his tongue across them. The passion presses his lips tighter, harder to hers. He places his hands gently upon her waist and pulls her up so she is on her knees before him. She hesitantly pauses as if she can not believe what he is doing. He places his hands upon her bottom and pulls her close to him. He stokes his tongue across her thighs as he presses her closer. She grabs the head board as his tongue slides between her. His tongue glides in arousing strokes as he holds her to him.

He slips inside of her to which She moans with pleasure as she feels the warmth of his tongue. The gentle licks. He places his mouth around her as he sucks in her pearl while swaying his tongue across, She holds the headboard tighter from the shear pleasure but he pushes her back all the while holding her closely between his lips. She leans back, her hips still arched forward and he takes her even harder into his mouth. His tongue moving fiercely. Her body tightens and she arches fiercely towards him as she surrenders in complete ecstasy.... He travels to her lips. Kissing her passionately, stopping along her thighs, hip, stomach, breast.

He pushes up towards her and kneeling, presses between her lips. She slips her legs from the bed to kneel between his legs. Her tongue wet as she tastes him between her lips. Her mouth pulses and pulls to and fro as the pressure of him tightens against her. She strokes him deep inside her mouth. Her tongue entwining around him. She glides his manhood from between her lips and slides her tongue below him. Taking his quiver into her mouth, her tongue slowly licks.... she glides her tongue back up his shaft and engulfs him deep into her again. The steady sucking makes her moan as she pulls him closer. Wanting to have even more of him within her. The thought makes her head rock even faster, taking him even harder, with even more intensity....

Okay...that's all folks. I can't tell the whole thing. Now that just wouldn't be right. Besides. Economics test is calling my name.

In class

Here comes my desk partner

There it goes again

the smell of smoke infused with mint...

Just a hint of smoke

Burst of mint

returns me instantly to the moment my pulse raced

my heart pounded

my body giving into completley carnal desires.

AHHHHH the smell of somke masked by mint. What an impossible torture

(written in class Monday and copied here)

People watching

Sitting at the Smoothies -n- things. People watching. The man across from me is balding. His skin is the color of mocha. He is obviously mixed. His hair a loose wave. His glasses, wire framed, gold. He sits very secure. Yet as you watch him you can tell he has a few insecurities with the opposite sex, for he sits next to a female. Her knees are slid in facing him on the yuppy cafe couch. She smiles as she speaks. The way she situates herself says I am interested but I am going to be cautious about getting to know you. He sits slightly leaned away yet with his knee closer to hers. This suggest I am interested also, but I am not quite letting you in yet. He shifts as he speaks. He fidgets with his napkin as he talks. He wipes the same spot repeatedly as to ensure no food has strayed to his goatee. His eyes sparkle when she leans forward and giggles. When she does he shifts towards her. When the giggling stops ans he is unsure he shifts back away. Interesting dynamic these two. Nope...they have not had sex yet. Still the unsure awkwardness. He still looks at her with that curious hunger when she looks away.

People watching. I love it.
Cutting this short I have to get to work.
I'll have to write later about the very confusing event that transpired. I am still trying to grasp my had around it. As soon as I do you all will be privy to the blog.

Craving

I'm not sure I like this one. This is the start of another, heck I don't even know what you call it. But I just don't think it flows well together. It's not finished. What do you think?

1) Trash it and start over

2) Keep it and finish

3) I don't care and why are you asking me?

A fragrant scent wafts through the room
Vanilla candles, rose potpourri fill the atmosphere as
Dimly lit streaks of fire flames dance upon the mirrors gaze.
Uncloaked figures entwine exposing their very being

The radiance caressing bare thighs
The luminance stroking exposed breast
Passion Burning through the mirrors reflection

Moans and whispers break the scents
As the two figures breathe in the air

‘Take me’ she pants as he pulls her close, lips parted
Inhaling her very essence. Enchanted by her pulchritudinous.

Their eyes close as his hands etch to her cheeks
His lips soft as he explores her mouth plump with desire.
She kisses back feeling the tenderness in his touch as his tongue caresses hers.
He pulls back gently and benevolently kisses her once.
His smile perfect and easy as she slowly opens her eyes.
She reaches up to him. Her hands wrap around him and she renders into him. She gasps for breath as her body recedes into the craving
She coils her leg around his thigh and presses into his manhood. Hunger rises to her core.

On my way

Testing the winds to see if I can fly. Soaring upon the breeze. Feeling the air as it takes me higher. Higher. Higher to heights I’ve only dreamed.

Inquiring into the ocean to see if I can swim. The mighty sea takes me further. Further. Further than I thought it could.

Aspiring to be all that I can

Conceiving what I could be

Vigilant to what will

Trying Invane

(typed last night and just cut to here this morning)

I miss being in your embrace. To try and keep that thought from my mind is like trying to keep a bee from its nectar. Futile.

To try and keep the thought of the way the touch of your hand upon my skin felt is like trying to keep a drunk away from a wine bottle. Impossible when he can remember the warm feel of it sliding down his throat as it encircles its way to his stomach.

Trying to keep the sound of your voice from echoing in my ear is like trying to keep a kitten from its mother. Preposterous as it remembers the warmth and delight that sound accompanied.

Trying to keep the taste of your lips out of my senses is like trying to keep a child from an ice-cream stand. Vain, when they can remember the way the ice-cream tantalized there taste buds as it slid past their lips.

Trying to keep me from wanting you is like trying to keep the Northern Geese from migrating. Useless when the desire is burned upon their consciousness.

Tell me why I have allowed myself to be reduced to this. Tell me why I’m biting my lip at the thought of you. Tell me why you pass through my thoughts. Tell me why I am sitting in black bra, panties, and necklace typing this about you.

It’s simple.

I miss you.

I want you.

Badly.

Ode to a little extra weight

An Ode to Thick Women.

ugly. thick. fat.

that's what you say.

to the woman who doesn't look like you

to the woman with a little more sway.

Who gave you the right to tell us we're ugly. I like the way my thighs curve. I like the way my tummy shakes when I giggle to hard and it rolls a little when I sit down. I like the way my boobs are uneven. I like the way way my butt is plump. I like the way my eyes look like a doe's . I like the way I have way to many freckles. I like the way my hair frizzes. I like the way my nose flares when I'm mad. I like the way my upper arms are a little thicker. i like the way my stretch marks remind me of the day I gave birth. I like the way they put a different texture to my skin. I like the way my scars shine white. I like the way my calves are thick. I like the way I have a broken vessel on my leg where I won a competition after blocking a shin kick and jabbing. You know what. I like me.

Who allowed you to define me?

What makes me unbecoming because we don't look alike?

Why can't you accept we are different and that's what makes us beautiful?

Eat a candy bar. It'll make you feel better.

Interjection: You know, I've been fat, chunky, thin, and inbetween. I've never been morbidly obese. So I won't claim to know what's that like. You know I have my own hangups but I really wish women could learn to appreciate one another. Maybe if we could learn to appreciate each other's differences we could learn to accept ourselves as beautiful, unique, and wonderful. It starts with you. Take the initiative. See something admiral in the girl you pass in the street. Find something exquisite in your coworker who you love to hate. In doing so you just may find something pulchritudinous in yourself .

Smiles. Laughter.

All to hide the pain

Ripped at the heart

Ripped at the seams

Another spot found again.



Happy Labor Day

this one won't be forgotten.









My Labor day:


Today is not so hot. I am very worn out.




My brother is down visiting for the week.




Yesterday he found another lump in his neck.




Happy Labor Day.




Not really.




But we had a great day regardless.




Life's not fair.




Life's just not fair.

Right now. Unrested

The hum of the air conditioner fills the air. The sound of a running aquarium filter plays in the background. The steady click of a a keypad.

The quiet breaths of two dogs breathing. Asleep. Dreaming. Maybe of bones. Maybe of fetch. Maybe of being able to speak.
Lights dim. The glare of a monitor. The soft white light bleeding out from under red lamp shades.

Feet resting on soft, plush, beige low shag carpet. Arms resting by side. Fingers nimble on the keys. Thighs sunk into a red couch covered by beige throws. The smell of fresh plants fills the air.

Mind unrested. Longing for sleep. Thoughts flutter across eyelids and dance into cognition. Heart slowed. Breathing calm. Sweet serenity almost in reach.

Okay...so you all know the Brian from my previous blogs of "What am I thinking about for 2-3 minutes." Well he is now sitting in front of me at a Starbucks and I am listening to him playing acoustical guitar and singing. He's wearing blue jeans, plaid orange and blue shirt, flip flops and a black Taylor hat. His fingers strumming the Taylor (guitar). He makes it come to life as he works with out effort, like a bee sucks the nectar from a flower and turns it into a sweet tantalizing honey. As does the lyrics rolling off his tongue like the honey melting in your mouth into a delectable taste that makes your tongue scream for mercy. Oww is he good. So good. A guitar in his hand is like a sword in Achilles palm. A very gift from the Gods that be, to tempt your soul and make you beg for mercy.

Frank is here. He hangs out at the guitar store. Frank is sporting a green jacket, brown polo, blue jeans and brown shoes. He is talking to shazzy about music. He has perfect pitch. If you are playing something he can tell you exactly which chord/note you need next. I find that amazing. Frank is very grounded. His humor is sometimes dry and sometimes I don't understand it, but I find him very fascinating and intriguing for that mix. He is so....reserved I find it interesting. He makes my brain tick because there is nothing 'fantasyish' if you will, about him. For that reason sometimes he confuses me. I enjoy the analytical ism he brings to the atmosphere. Something I would never bring. He is so clever. When he listens he actually hears what you say. He is quite interesting.
Now Shazzy is here too!!! I am so excited she is here. She absolutely makes my day. She is fancying a white/gray hippy floral print, plaid shorts, real leather tie up moccasins, and her black/brown arty glasses. Her lips sip upon pumpkin spice latte. She is also blogging at this moment on her new art decor Inspiron. Shit, even her laptop is more creative than mine!
I tell you she has such creative energy that flows it arouses my passion (not to mention the music invading me). She's like my muse. If you could find two people that just meshed so well and their strengths and weaknesses complimented each other, I think that would be her and I. She gives me strength when I am weak. She lifts me up when i am down. I know this is so sappy but she truly is the wind beneath my wings. I hope I somehow help her as much as she does me. I just love to be with her. Love ya girl!

Okay back to Brian. He has his eyes closed as he is feeling the rhythm of the music. His body keeping tune to the infectious purr of the guitar. The bass player pounding the beat into your core. Making the temptation within come to life as it strums upon your passion to awaken. The music begging for your spirit of freedom to release! Can I throw my bra now??? Oh sorry this is Starbucks.

Alright so I guess we know what everyone is wearing and doing. What am I wearing. God this blog has been reduced to what I'm wearing! Okay if I said nothing...then it would fit with my theme! But I am fetching a black fitted T-shirt, a ballet type wrap, dark Gray pin stripped Capris, snake skin kitten heel sandals, and a mound of black-white-and amber beads. Oh yes...so yuppish today.

A lesson finally learned.

I'm sitting in economics while the teacher rants on about supply and demand, aggregates and Long Runs. When all of a sudden a smell wafts my way. A smell that instantly sends me a tingled chill and a calmness all at once. It was the smell of smoke and mint emanating from the lips of my desk partner. At that moment I had to resist the urge to push his chair back, sit in his lap, and inhale the breath from his very lips. Yes, odd reaction. Very odd.

That was the first smell of the fling with Sexy. I had just brushed my teeth, he walked in. He kissed me hard and the light taste of smoke and the fresh burst of mint tingled my tongue with a mint numbing sensation. It was very erotic. It was like bad boy meets good girl and the infusion bursting into a chemical reaction.

Last night I watched Sunshine Cleaning. I recommend the movie. I enjoyed it. I was overwhelmed though by emotions.

Emotions.

I try to avoid chick flicks due to this very reason. Emotions. I spent a lot of time crying during the latter years with my husband/ex-husband and I have never wanted to cry again. Some days I think...there are no more tears left in me to cry. I have become so strong and impenetrable that I am over the crying. And then I am greatly humbled and reminded that there is still growing and healing in the emotions area.

I truly believe that destiny, fate, life, karma, God, whatever you want to call it is always teaching us. We have a lesson that we are always on at a given time and whenever we figure out that lesson we are then moved on to be taught a new lesson. This lesson could last minutes or years. Depending on when we finally get it. This knowledge came with watching Sunshine Cleaning. I identified with the characters in some shape or form. I then cried. Yes cried. Cried and cried till I felt...well purged. Cleansed. I think I finally got the grasp of my lesson. I finally learned that I don't have to fear abandonment, being myself, or the way I say or think things. I learned that just being me is good enough. I don't have to be anything more than who I am. That I am enough. That no matter if it feels painful at times, hard, and uncomfortable you still have to step out and embrace humanity and people. You still have to open yourself up and feel...lust, passion, love.

So many times the hurt and pain that we experience in life cause us to want to shut down. To not feel. To keep yourself closed and hidden from any type of relationship feeling. To even go so far as to shun love because it is just to scary to open up. And then if someone even tries to be nice to you or show you affection back you run. Run for the hills. Run for the border. Just run, not look back and completely write the people off.

Well...I finally learned. I finally learned the lesson. Don't run. Just open up and be yourself. If something happens it happens. If it doesn't it doesn't. You never know what someone is like or even what you are like until you try. If it messes up, you know what...you still tried. You gained something out of it whether it be what may not work for you, what did work for you, experience, knowledge, or even a friend.

I learned this with Sexy. You all were privy to the saga as it transpired and unfolded. From Beginning to now (I hope not the end. A friend at the very least). Here's how it went and what I learned:

I was very closed. No male got in my circle or past the guard I had put up. No one. They got just to the point I could keep them at bay and turn the emotions on and off at will. Nothing real. Then I met Sexy.

I was on a high already from the play, My confidence was soaring, and I was in that element where I was open to 'feelings' because I had been using them all night, week after week in the play. So just being open. Sexy had everything right. Everything that I wanted (Well everything that is to feed a purly carnal desire. Remember, there is no love here. Just a purely carnal lust. Someone for me to say I love would be something entirely special. Entirely rare, back to my story...) Courageous, spontaneous, friendly, open, confident, patient, caring, and he seemed a bit grounded. He was the perfect cocktail. The perfect aphrodisiac for me. My perfect poison and blend. He was my mixed brewed just for me.

I think sometimes life just has to kick you in the ass when you have been on the lesson so long and just are still not getting it. Then it has to 'help' out a little and put what you need to 'help' the process along. I swear...this lesson would have been still going on if it hadn't. I have avoided a lot of combos and cocktails. With this and that not being quite right. So life was feeling a bit of pity for me and helped me out putting me in the same place, at the right moment, in the right mindset, and with the right friend, with my irresistible cocktail. And then still I tried to leave in order to avoid anything I was feeling. I knew I was feeling a bit enamoured and tried to run. But upon leaving I talked with my friend in the car and came back. I just couldn't avoid it. I couldn't shake it.

So...I let my hair down. Let loose. Took a chance and was me. Quirkiness and all. Not really hiding anything. I even said what I thought when it wasn't pleasant instead of hiding it. It sometimes came out a little acidly but hey 'I'm learning here'. Normally I just hide if I'm angry and don't say anything not wanting the confrontation. But you know what. I didn't. I went right in there, no holds barred. I am not saying I did it right. I probably may have said more than I should have. And other things maybe I should have or shouldn't have done, but it all was worth it. I learned a lot in that short period of time.

You know what. I am glad Sexy is just the way he is. If he was any other way I would never have learned. I would never have been open enough to get it. I am glad that some days he didn't call.I am glad that some days he didn't answer. I am glad that he is decent and kind and that he just didn't drop me like a hot cake. I am glad that he put up with the changing tides! I am glad that he let me be me. I am glad that I did it all. I am glad that I was willing to be me. I am very glad. I wouldn't change a thing (except add more!). Him being the way he is; weaning me if you will...helped me to finally learn what life has been trying to teach me for years.

The lesson part. I learned that even though it is a little uncomfortable and frightening. That even though we don't know what we're doing all the time. Stepping out, taking a chance is worth it. I learned that I can be me, disagree and put it out there and you aren't always going to be rejected. There are people who still believe in friendship. There are still people who are good at heart. There are still people who believe in humanity. People are still worth being open and candied with. People are still worth our respect. It is still worth saying what you believe, what you feel, and what you think. Life is still worth it.

Thank you karma, life, destiny, fate, God, whatever it is you want to be called for letting Sexy be my irresistible cocktail. Thank you that I could just be me and learn that you aren't always dropped if you think a bit differently and take a chance.

Thank you Sexy for being who you are. I appreciate you.

Your friend,

Moondoggie.