Random thoughts for the day. 2 mintues.
what am i thinking
air conditioner is cold
pink rose lingerie I just bought.
not for anyone.
booo.
refilling my lingerie pile
jerk.
Can't wait till it ships in.
Oh my gosh I wish he'd stop
No I wish he'd keep going.
I wish I new guitar teachers number
He'd be fun to chill out with
I wish i was at home
got to clean the house
wonder if i can get away for a day
maybe I'll take off on Wednesday.
That sounds fun
a day to myself
not let anyone know
just me
and that mocha
hmmm...
Monday, July 27, 2009
So...you hold out forever and a day and you decide there is just no guy I would want to spend more than just eating dinner with. You think I am going to stay celibate for the rest of my life because their is no guy that you are even remotely attracted to wholly. Then you think maybe, just maybe so and so could substitute if I just don't have to hang around long. Just in and out. Then grab a mocha...alone...so the mocha can be savored. Not the other! Nothing to have savored there. So that's how it goes. For awhile. That's how it goes. Then...when you least expect it. It hits you! Lust and desire just jumps all over you and hits you! You really figure since your ground control has been so detached you know what...just take him to bed and finally let your hair down for a moment. Then get dressed, throw your hair back up and go savour your mocha...
...but the mocha doesn't taste as good as it did before. The brew seems to be lacking in something. Damn...you realize your apathy and defenses have been broken. Crap! But you lie, to yourself. No it's definitely not happening. I am so not doing this. I am not into this. It was just a thing. Your head is 'right on!!!!' but your heart. It knows different.
So...In reality when you talk to your friend who knows you well it goes a little something like this:
Me:
I was wondering why you slipped out. Do you feel better? Yes, I saw her. I was so glad she came. So…no mind meld??? Wow, you really are a Jedi with the Force! I stand in awe! (insert name here)!
This waiting is annoying. I haven’t called. I haven’t emailed. Neither has he! Ahhhh!! I know this is what I said I wanted and agreed to but dog gone it this is annoying. I am not quite sure what to do with someone not chasing.Ahh%^&*
This is Much more difficult than I thought. Goodness I thought this was going to be sooo simple. Just hey how are you and that’s it. Geesh!!! I hate this girly emotional crap that is trying to come to light!!!
Friend:
You should admit to yourself that you like this guy... Don't you like him?? I think you like him more than you'll admit. You've got a crush on your booty call.... That's your problem.
You've already talked waaaaayyy too much to this guy and now you actually like him.
Which, he seems likable and God knows you're likable so it's not surprising that the two of you are starting to like each other not to mention the fact that the two of had amazing sex which makes him all the more desirable.... you're falling for this guy.
Get a hold of yourself!!! I thought he was just supposed to be for sex!!??
You need to come back to what this was supposed to be in the first place. Just sex. Keep reminding yourself that..... He's not for mind control --- just sex.
Me:
Okay…good point. So that’s what you have to do. It was just…okay I can handle this. You know what maybe it wouldn’t feel so bad if I thought maybe he had this weird feeling too. I just have this in my head that he is such a guy so I am the only one with this weird feeling of the girly crap! Ahh!! Okay..so just keep reminding myself it is just #$^. I can do this. Thanks for the perspective.
I knew I could count on my Virgo to bring me back to the ground!
Just keep me there okay.
Friend:
What you're feeling isn't "girly" it's called "infatuation". You like him. He meets all your needs plus some in bed (which is a huge turn on for you). And I'm pretty sure you do the same for him (which is a huge turn on for him) and now he's trying to figure out who the heck you are and where you came from and you're trying to convince yourself that you can have great sex and a non-commited relationship which for you - is apparently impossible .
You should've never answered that phone the first time he called you. hmm mm hmm.... Looks like we're both, "Past the point of no return.... " which is a song from Phantom of the Opera...
Yes it went just like that.
Chest tight
Stomach taunt
The waiting is a nightmare
Lust and Love
So easy to pretend
They are just the same
A chance to be held
A chance to be kissed
A chance to feel that embrace
A moment of weakness
A moment of nostalgia
Turns to a crumbling wall
Damn hold it together
the mortar
the glue
No cracks
No cracks
Just think of something else....
Too late. It's fallen. I hold but a fragment.
But with a fragment, I can find my balance.
Stomach taunt
The waiting is a nightmare
Lust and Love
So easy to pretend
They are just the same
A chance to be held
A chance to be kissed
A chance to feel that embrace
A moment of weakness
A moment of nostalgia
Turns to a crumbling wall
Damn hold it together
the mortar
the glue
No cracks
No cracks
Just think of something else....
Too late. It's fallen. I hold but a fragment.
But with a fragment, I can find my balance.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Interesting:
Aquarius:
Sparks fly when Libra and Aquarius meet, and conversation is the doorway to rapture. First dates gain momentum because there's a mental rapport between these two air signs. Libra likes to initiate ideas, and Aquarius responds with a wholly original perspective. Aquarius warms to Libra's clear-eyed and balanced sythesizing. Libra is awed by the leaps of logic and unusual ways that Aquarius frames ideas. Both are mentally stimulated, and this serves as a basis for all their adventures together.
Libra is attracted to the detached cool of Aquarius, and comfortable with that airy 'friends' approach at first. The Waterbearer oohs and aahs over Libra's way with style, and graceful public demeanor. Aquarius is more at home among friends, while Libra likes to do things as a twosome. They're both social animals, and that colors how they spend vacations and weekends. But Libra likes to be romantically wooed, even in a committed partnership, and will want some time alone with Aquarius to rekindle the spark.
If Libra is indecisive, wanting to include all options, Aquarius can be fixed in their thinking. Libra shows Aquarius the balancing view, and helps them present their ideas in the best light. The genius thinking patterns of Aquarius embolden Libra to follow their own threads of inspiration. Aquarius can be stubborn in its dogged pursuit of its interests, and that spurs Libra on to higher heights, too. These two inhabit the world of ideas. As they share life's fascinations in an atmosphere of mutual respect, their love grows.Famous Couples: Ang Lee (Libra) and Zhang Ziyi (Aquarius); Franklin D. Roosevelt (Aquarius) and Eleanor Roosevelt (Libra); John Lennon (Libra) and Yoko Ono (Aquarius); Brigitte Bardot (Libra) and Roger Vadim (Aquarius); Clark Gable (Aquarius) and Carole Lombard (Libra); Kelly Preston (Libra) and John Travolta (Aquarius); Geena Davis (Aquarius) and Jeff Goldblum (Libra); John Lemmon (Aquarius) and Felicia Farr (Libra); Alan Cumming (Aquarius) and Saffron Burrows (Libra)
Virgo:
When dating, Libra likes Virgo's unhurried approach, since it gives them plenty of time to mull over the romantic potential. Virgo admires Libra's clear mind and drive for balance in all things. Both are aware of dating dos and don'ts, and will try to show up on time, make thoughtful suggestions and offer love trinkets at appropriate times. They're a picture of refinement, if somewhat cool in their show of affection. Virgo likes to keep their business private, so Libra will need to curb the tendency to tell all.
Dates are a chance to talk, which they both love to do, to the point of talking over each other. But Libra glides easily over topics, while Virgo seeks to analyze and come up with precise thinking on the matter at hand. Here's where they run into conflicts. Virgo's analytical mind trying to wrangle Libra's thoughts are like the lilliputians tying down Gulliver. With a Virgo mate, Libra gets to see life from a different perspective -- from the ground. Libra resents being forced to focus on the minutiae, and Virgo finds Libra's lightness and devil-may-care attitude frustrating. But when these two are in sinq, they've got the big picture and details covered, and both benefit. Virgo helps Libra plan out the steps to realize a dream that's still just a concept. Libra lifts Virgo out of the trap of micro-thinking, to offer sweeping vistas. But when life goals are different, and they're ready to move on, it's hard to shift the focus together.
Virgo makes sure the household is kept orderly, and Libra supplies the artful finishing touches. Libra knows how to create an atmosphere of beauty, like flowers or just the right decor accents. Virgo's desire for calm is compatible with Libra's need for a serene nest. In the quest for wholeness, Virgo sets a daily example for Libra that has a grounding effect on this airy character. And Libra reminds Virgo to stop working and enjoy some leisure time. Virgo grows irked if Libra is too lazy or can't join their train of thought. If little nitpicky things become settled behaviors, the relationship can get caught in a negative loop. There are challenges here, but also the potential to enjoy domestic harmony and a refined, clean, high-minded lifestyle.Famous Couples: Will Smith (Libra) and Jada Pinkett-Smith (Virgo); Prince Harry (Virgo) and Chelsy Davy (Libra); Sean Connery (Virgo) and Diane Cilento (Libra); Scott Baio (Virgo) and Erin Moran (Libra)
Leo:
There's an initial attraction here that like all romance, is about falling in love with the self. Each sees in the mirror of the other, a master/mistress of appearances, and the conclusion is, "you're gorgeous." Leo is impressed by Libra's aura of popularity, and enjoys the ego boost of having Venusian eye candy by their side. Libra is dazzled by the leonine self-confidence, secretly admiring the certainty with which Leo speaks. Their dates are exciting, a sampling of luxuries and high-spirited play. Leo and Libra walk arm-in-arm, both turning to see their reflection in the shop window -- but will they see the obstacles ahead?
Friction comes up because of mental differences, with Libra the synthesizer of ideas, and Leo more firmly fixed (a.k.a. dogmatic) in their thinking. Libra may feel consistently twarted in their effort to balance and harmonize, which robs them of the way they feel confident. Leo rules and was born to express the self unrestricted, and Libra's effort to find the happy compromise may seem threatening or tedious. Libra's partnership model, one of shared power and vision, intrudes on Leo's need to shine as a bright singular entity.
Leo and Libra are the popular people, together creating a large social network and throwing fun parties. They'll never complain that the other made them look bad in public. Libra supports the creative spark in Leo, and offers inspiring feedback that has a priceless clarity. Leo knows the value of a partner with such obvious charms, and admires Libra's ability to direct the show by guiding the flow of ideas. But Libra will have to live with a less than perfect peace, somehow absorbing the Lion's bluster without growing resentful. And Leo has to find ways to satisfy the Libran need for mental harmonizing, without raging over the constant disruption of Selfhood. The bottom line is, once you get past the surface glamour and mutual respect, it's an awkward fit that will take effort to keep from imploding. Famous Couples: Jimmy Carter (Libra) and Rosalynn Carter (Leo); F. Scott Fitzgerald (Libra) and Zelda Fitzgerald (Leo); Eric Benet (Libra) and Halle Berry (Leo)
Libra and Libra?:
The Libra-Libra romance is a breeze. It's like looking into a mirror and loving what you see. Early dates clue them in that they've found an intellectual equal. Manners, style and a slightly detached MO works its slow magic. They both know how to turn a phrase and stay mutually dazzled by the conversation. Elegant dinners, rooftop soirees, film festivals followed by a Q & A -- they'll make sure nights out are memorable. And stimulating to the mind. Neither will hurry love, which gives the relationship the airy space it needs to flourish.
The Libran soul mission is relating, and discovering the self in what's reflected by the other. That makes them both committed to working things through, and compromising when it serves the relationship. Together they are two halves of a greater whole. Like all other matches, it works out better when they've also got a solid sense of self. But Libras have to guard against the 'we do everything together' kind of co-dependency. It's important for each to remain individuals, too. Two Libras doing their own thing, with some separate friendships, have a lot to bring back and share at home.
Libras have an instinct for balance in one-on-one relationships. Together they navigate life with that built-in ability to create harmony. They like to keep to the high road, and this surrounds the relationship with an aura of dignity. And what of the issue of avoiding conflict? If everything is glossed over, the tension builds until there's a potentially combustible relationship monster in the room. As cardinal air, Libras are heavyweights in disguise. Below the radar issues could wreak havoc over time. But with the Libra gift for clear-thinking, and the courage to sit with awkward moments and raw feelings, these two can handle the rough patches.
Two Libras endlessly mull things over, and this throws the decision-making process into chaos. But chances are, as they move ahead, this pair won't miss out on much. Around each corner are new fascinations to explore, discuss and opine about. Their home is a gathering place, where visitors feel that they're in good hands. The conversation flows, and so do the libations. They know how to set the tone for a gathering, and share a love of all things social. Once committed, it's a love connection that usually lasts. Libras feel at home in relationship, especially with a mate as devoted to the union as they are.Famous Couples: Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber; Paul Simon and Carrie Fisher; Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones; Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon
Hmmmm..I kinda like the...Oh not telling! Unless asked enough...I am a Libra after all.
Aquarius:
Sparks fly when Libra and Aquarius meet, and conversation is the doorway to rapture. First dates gain momentum because there's a mental rapport between these two air signs. Libra likes to initiate ideas, and Aquarius responds with a wholly original perspective. Aquarius warms to Libra's clear-eyed and balanced sythesizing. Libra is awed by the leaps of logic and unusual ways that Aquarius frames ideas. Both are mentally stimulated, and this serves as a basis for all their adventures together.
Libra is attracted to the detached cool of Aquarius, and comfortable with that airy 'friends' approach at first. The Waterbearer oohs and aahs over Libra's way with style, and graceful public demeanor. Aquarius is more at home among friends, while Libra likes to do things as a twosome. They're both social animals, and that colors how they spend vacations and weekends. But Libra likes to be romantically wooed, even in a committed partnership, and will want some time alone with Aquarius to rekindle the spark.
If Libra is indecisive, wanting to include all options, Aquarius can be fixed in their thinking. Libra shows Aquarius the balancing view, and helps them present their ideas in the best light. The genius thinking patterns of Aquarius embolden Libra to follow their own threads of inspiration. Aquarius can be stubborn in its dogged pursuit of its interests, and that spurs Libra on to higher heights, too. These two inhabit the world of ideas. As they share life's fascinations in an atmosphere of mutual respect, their love grows.Famous Couples: Ang Lee (Libra) and Zhang Ziyi (Aquarius); Franklin D. Roosevelt (Aquarius) and Eleanor Roosevelt (Libra); John Lennon (Libra) and Yoko Ono (Aquarius); Brigitte Bardot (Libra) and Roger Vadim (Aquarius); Clark Gable (Aquarius) and Carole Lombard (Libra); Kelly Preston (Libra) and John Travolta (Aquarius); Geena Davis (Aquarius) and Jeff Goldblum (Libra); John Lemmon (Aquarius) and Felicia Farr (Libra); Alan Cumming (Aquarius) and Saffron Burrows (Libra)
Virgo:
When dating, Libra likes Virgo's unhurried approach, since it gives them plenty of time to mull over the romantic potential. Virgo admires Libra's clear mind and drive for balance in all things. Both are aware of dating dos and don'ts, and will try to show up on time, make thoughtful suggestions and offer love trinkets at appropriate times. They're a picture of refinement, if somewhat cool in their show of affection. Virgo likes to keep their business private, so Libra will need to curb the tendency to tell all.
Dates are a chance to talk, which they both love to do, to the point of talking over each other. But Libra glides easily over topics, while Virgo seeks to analyze and come up with precise thinking on the matter at hand. Here's where they run into conflicts. Virgo's analytical mind trying to wrangle Libra's thoughts are like the lilliputians tying down Gulliver. With a Virgo mate, Libra gets to see life from a different perspective -- from the ground. Libra resents being forced to focus on the minutiae, and Virgo finds Libra's lightness and devil-may-care attitude frustrating. But when these two are in sinq, they've got the big picture and details covered, and both benefit. Virgo helps Libra plan out the steps to realize a dream that's still just a concept. Libra lifts Virgo out of the trap of micro-thinking, to offer sweeping vistas. But when life goals are different, and they're ready to move on, it's hard to shift the focus together.
Virgo makes sure the household is kept orderly, and Libra supplies the artful finishing touches. Libra knows how to create an atmosphere of beauty, like flowers or just the right decor accents. Virgo's desire for calm is compatible with Libra's need for a serene nest. In the quest for wholeness, Virgo sets a daily example for Libra that has a grounding effect on this airy character. And Libra reminds Virgo to stop working and enjoy some leisure time. Virgo grows irked if Libra is too lazy or can't join their train of thought. If little nitpicky things become settled behaviors, the relationship can get caught in a negative loop. There are challenges here, but also the potential to enjoy domestic harmony and a refined, clean, high-minded lifestyle.Famous Couples: Will Smith (Libra) and Jada Pinkett-Smith (Virgo); Prince Harry (Virgo) and Chelsy Davy (Libra); Sean Connery (Virgo) and Diane Cilento (Libra); Scott Baio (Virgo) and Erin Moran (Libra)
Leo:
There's an initial attraction here that like all romance, is about falling in love with the self. Each sees in the mirror of the other, a master/mistress of appearances, and the conclusion is, "you're gorgeous." Leo is impressed by Libra's aura of popularity, and enjoys the ego boost of having Venusian eye candy by their side. Libra is dazzled by the leonine self-confidence, secretly admiring the certainty with which Leo speaks. Their dates are exciting, a sampling of luxuries and high-spirited play. Leo and Libra walk arm-in-arm, both turning to see their reflection in the shop window -- but will they see the obstacles ahead?
Friction comes up because of mental differences, with Libra the synthesizer of ideas, and Leo more firmly fixed (a.k.a. dogmatic) in their thinking. Libra may feel consistently twarted in their effort to balance and harmonize, which robs them of the way they feel confident. Leo rules and was born to express the self unrestricted, and Libra's effort to find the happy compromise may seem threatening or tedious. Libra's partnership model, one of shared power and vision, intrudes on Leo's need to shine as a bright singular entity.
Leo and Libra are the popular people, together creating a large social network and throwing fun parties. They'll never complain that the other made them look bad in public. Libra supports the creative spark in Leo, and offers inspiring feedback that has a priceless clarity. Leo knows the value of a partner with such obvious charms, and admires Libra's ability to direct the show by guiding the flow of ideas. But Libra will have to live with a less than perfect peace, somehow absorbing the Lion's bluster without growing resentful. And Leo has to find ways to satisfy the Libran need for mental harmonizing, without raging over the constant disruption of Selfhood. The bottom line is, once you get past the surface glamour and mutual respect, it's an awkward fit that will take effort to keep from imploding. Famous Couples: Jimmy Carter (Libra) and Rosalynn Carter (Leo); F. Scott Fitzgerald (Libra) and Zelda Fitzgerald (Leo); Eric Benet (Libra) and Halle Berry (Leo)
Libra and Libra?:
The Libra-Libra romance is a breeze. It's like looking into a mirror and loving what you see. Early dates clue them in that they've found an intellectual equal. Manners, style and a slightly detached MO works its slow magic. They both know how to turn a phrase and stay mutually dazzled by the conversation. Elegant dinners, rooftop soirees, film festivals followed by a Q & A -- they'll make sure nights out are memorable. And stimulating to the mind. Neither will hurry love, which gives the relationship the airy space it needs to flourish.
The Libran soul mission is relating, and discovering the self in what's reflected by the other. That makes them both committed to working things through, and compromising when it serves the relationship. Together they are two halves of a greater whole. Like all other matches, it works out better when they've also got a solid sense of self. But Libras have to guard against the 'we do everything together' kind of co-dependency. It's important for each to remain individuals, too. Two Libras doing their own thing, with some separate friendships, have a lot to bring back and share at home.
Libras have an instinct for balance in one-on-one relationships. Together they navigate life with that built-in ability to create harmony. They like to keep to the high road, and this surrounds the relationship with an aura of dignity. And what of the issue of avoiding conflict? If everything is glossed over, the tension builds until there's a potentially combustible relationship monster in the room. As cardinal air, Libras are heavyweights in disguise. Below the radar issues could wreak havoc over time. But with the Libra gift for clear-thinking, and the courage to sit with awkward moments and raw feelings, these two can handle the rough patches.
Two Libras endlessly mull things over, and this throws the decision-making process into chaos. But chances are, as they move ahead, this pair won't miss out on much. Around each corner are new fascinations to explore, discuss and opine about. Their home is a gathering place, where visitors feel that they're in good hands. The conversation flows, and so do the libations. They know how to set the tone for a gathering, and share a love of all things social. Once committed, it's a love connection that usually lasts. Libras feel at home in relationship, especially with a mate as devoted to the union as they are.Famous Couples: Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber; Paul Simon and Carrie Fisher; Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones; Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon
Hmmmm..I kinda like the...Oh not telling! Unless asked enough...I am a Libra after all.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
A Fling
Silent, antsy, quick, yet slow to stir. Hearts pounding, thoughts racing, biting bottom lip.
No attachments, none that are seen. A few are hidden, but no real importance.
A getaway
a B&B
a cabin
a trip
sounds silly, but people do it all the time
for a little sexual rendezvous.
I like the smile
I like the attention
I like the commonalities
I like the affection
I love the smell
I love the sight
I love the touch
I love the feel
No emotions
none that are extreme
random giddiness
heart skips in between
Nothing to much
just long time since
I felt like a vixen
in the sexual tense
So cliche but I feel like a woman
Makes me feel desired, Makes me feel so comfortable
Puts me at such ease
I don't want to be the only
Just the only at that moment
I don't need you
I just want you
I want you to want me
I want to see your smile
I want to see that fire
That melts the commonness
and pushes me to desirable
to passion
to a woman.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Is this more than what I should ask?
So no emotions, no attachments. That's the agreement, I'm cool with that. I just find myself ...wanting that call that says..."Hey I just wanted to hear your voice"...and then hang up. That's all you have to say. Give me that little call, let me giggle and then off the phone you go. That's not emotions, nor attachments. Maybe it could be that I said I'll call you. Geesh...now the whole when should I call as to be still casually aloof? Casually apathetic. So...I wonder when can I call. I don't want to talk much. I just want to say "hey...available such and such day? I can't get the thought of....(oooh should I really blog that?)" Then hang up. Nothing really deep. Then again they said in specifics they don't like plans. Does it take away from the whole spontaneity? Geesh, this is difficult. Or you know what... I think way to much! So what to do? What to do?
You know if it wasn't done so well. Executed so perfectly. I couldn't even have dreamed a better evening. The dancing absolutely perfect...Could have dreamed a few more things here :) That's the performer in me :)... The evening...nothing could have been better. The complete and utter comfortableness with you. Wow, how did you obtain that. No one obtains that from me. No one. Some of the lines...oh my goodness...I couldn't have written them better myself. I could have flowered a few of them though. You know just for that extra punch, LOL!Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.
What is it??? It's definitely not like I want to fall in love. Falling in Love scares me completely to death and makes me just totally neurotic at the thought. That's not what I want from them. I want...someone to pay me attention. A phone call here and there with no more than just to say they wanted to hear from me and then hang up. Or 'I think your beautiful' and then hang up. Give me the attention every now and then to go dancing and then a little fun and then I am good. Put me back on the shelf till next time I need an attention boost. Is that so much to ask??? I don't want drama. I don't want to overtake your life. I want you to have a life of your own. I just want my little private one on one time every now and then. Like twice a month (Of course I want more than that but that's what I am willing to settle for) and 1 call a week. pick a Monday or a Tuesday and that is it. It has nothing to with esteem issues. It's really all I can commit to at this moment. All I am able to commit to. All I am willing to commit to.
So...what do you guys think of this? Is this totally unattainable? Is this totally selfish? What does this say about me? Hmmm...there's a question to ponder. So...What do you think?
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