Thoughts for the next 3 minutes...

Thoughts for the next 3 minutes...
What is up with Kim Kardasshian? She tells Mom...oh time for a face lift, neck tuck, etc. She talks of when she has a child it will be time for a lift. My God! How self absorbed can one person possibly be? Did you forget what life was all about? Great job mom for teaching her that it's all about vanity and she's got no more depth to her than a wading pool. Geesh!!!! Get a clue.

Twilight. Love the books. The actors. What the....I like them all except the main actors. Give me a hugh Jackman look alike so I can drool.

hmm...play tonight. Tonight Bull get's to flick people off. Definately flicks them off. Yes can't wait. Excited. Legs shaking.

End of 3 minutes. Guess I can't type and think to fast, LOL!

Random thoughts for the next 2 minutes:
play tonight
do all of monologue
wonder how that dress and dance look
dance
brian
funny message left
number on back of bathroom wall
call
elite
funny
sarah
hmmm
funny hat
on sideways
classical ballet
you go girl
more talent in pinky
hmmm
wanna house
coke
to sweet
lemon water
picture

So It's the second half of the show. The first half has gone superbly. Second half. Going well. Get to my monologue. Start great! What the heck??? How did I get here? 2/3rds of monologue gone??? Still keep going. Get out without being scathed, tared and feathered. Still laughs. Some like what??? There wasn't more???
Mental note...All of monologue would be nice. Maybe a few more laughs.

There's always tomorrow :)

up note: Okay just cause they paid doesn't mean diddly it was technically a dress rehearsal! Besides...sometimes when you reflect the light to the most inaccessible places you can find....and you still miss a spot.

Or in another's words:
Life is lumpy.

And yet another words:
Shit happens

So, last night I come home. Tired as heck from work, picking kids up & getting them situated, and play rehearsal. I just want to do nothing but go to a bed and sleep. So on the way before I even turn the corner from rehearsal the phone rings.

me: hello

na-na: your son has found something

me: what is it

na-na: it's just a boy thing

me: what is it

na-na: he just brought it home

me: could you please just get to the point and stop the game of charades. (edged with I am freaking tired and don't wanna play)

na-na: he found a kitten that's half starved and didn't even have enough energy to move when he went to pick it up.

me: we'll feed it tonight and take it to the shelter tomorrow (as I pass Walmart pull in and get out to buy orphan kitty milk)

na-na: let (insert son's name here) tell you.

son: hey mom, I found a cat. He could move but he is skinny and you can see his tail bone.

me: sweetie, we can take care of the kitty tonight but tomorrow we have to take him to the shelter

son: mom can't we keep it.

me: no we already have 2 dogs I take to the vet and we just can't have another animal. You have to consider vet bills and upkeep and we just can't do that right now.

son: mommmmmmmm

me: No sweetie we can take care of the kitty tonight but tomorrow we have to take him to the shelter

The phone hangs up. I purchase the orphan kitty milk and then return to my mothers house where we have been sleeping for a week while the water pipes at our house are fixed. As I pull in I see the na-na and my 2 boys 13 and 9 getting out of the car. No cat

me: Where's the cat?

9 year old son: at our house in the bathroom9.

13 yr. old son: Nana bought it kitty litter, food, and a kitty litter box. We're keeping it.

So mad now because not only have I said no repeatedly but now the Nana deliberately tells them they can keep it and puts it in MY HOUSE! So I let her know I am furious. She continues...not sure what it all sounded like blah, blah, blah.
I tell her I am not speaking to her at the moment because I will say something hurtful because I am very upset. I would just rather not say anything to her at that moment.

I turn the car back on and head to my house.(while taking the kitty milk to help the kitty out)
I go inside and what do I find???

A very stray, big eyed, half feral kitten. Scrawny, but scrawny as most strays are. Not starved. Not dying. Not in trouble. Just in fear at the moment being caught and stuck in a bathroom with the door close thinking "you want me to do WHAT in that box?"

so following after comes the na-na and the 2 boys. She says she is going to keep the cat; which she and I both know is bullshit she just can't say no in front of the boys. I have to be the bad guy and she does everything she can to look like the friend and rescuer!

I tell her 'Mom I really don't know what to say to you right now. I feel like saying (in my best mommy voice to a child I can muster) 'sit down now so we can talk about what's going on"
I mean really. It's like a 3rd child at the moment.

Anyways she takes the cat and they get all the stuff and treat me like I am the big Meany heavy and take the cat to her car. As they are exiting out the door, I raise my hand, feeling the heaviness of I'm the ogre and the only one who has to make the hard correct choices, I hand the oldest son the orphan kitty milk.

They beat me back to the na-na's house and set up the cat a spot in her bathroom.
As I round the corner a group of strays, who look just like the 'orphaned kitty' are looking for there little companion. So...not only is this not an orphaned kitty but it was catnapped from it's family.
So...I explain to the boys how this kitty has a home and a family who love it and are outside right now looking for it. They understand and they release the cat to it's family.

Ahhh...I may now get some rest. It is now 11:30pm. Nope not gonna happen. The Nana refuses to let me lay down...following as I go and we have to discuss the ...'National health care system".
Yes, right then at that very moment I had to discuss the National Health care system. She's for. I'm against. I'm against getting the government involved in it. What needs to happen is a revamp of the insurance system. There in lies the problem. Too many hands into the money pot and this is what has caused such a ruckus.
I almost plead...look I have got to get sleep. There are real people in the audience tomorrow. Real paying patrons. I need SLEEP! This conversation CAN WAIT TILL TOMORROW. She sees it differently. Now she must try to make her Republican daughter a democrat. It's not gonna happen. Sorry.
So...no sleep until 12:15. I am EXHAUSTED!!!

And here I sit. Not enough sleep and outrageously tired working, or should I say blogging, and having a play in 3 hours. And that's a true story.

So...I have this friend I have known since I was in 9th grade. He is a house owner and I am just starting to look. He owns a pontoon boat also but wants a speed boat. So his comedic plan...I can just live with him and by a speed boat. This is how that conversation went. I thought it was rather funny and he's a jokester himself. I'm in pink and he is in blue: Enjoy a totally radom email read LOL! Kind of like snooping isn't it...

:)

Hello :o) How are you

I’m good….how is your day?

Going good. I am sleepy. I stayed up till 12:56 reading a book.

Must have been a good book. I am sleepy too…just because I want to sleep in J

That sounds good. I wish I could have slept in today too. I think that would have been SSOOOOOO nice.

Yep….I have been wanting to all week....Saturday I will! J

Sounds good. I’m on board with that plan! I plan to…guess real hard…clean up the house.Then I want to go house looking in 'oz' (name change to protect the...not so innocent)
What are you doing?

Not sure yet, I’m thinking I got something to do, just can’t think of it…I do this all the time J

…insert funny comment here…Really? LOL!

You should go look at boats J

LOL! What about a house?

LOL….I told you, I have a house…but not a ski boat J

Yes, the dogs will probably get too hot outside tomorrow.

Almost J….you don’t need to know how to ski, we ride the inner tubes and knee board J

Ahh-ha!LOL! Hmm…House or skiboat. I mean that is a tough decision…You know I’d have to change the color of the door to like peach or white and I’d rip up the carpet in a few of the rooms and put in a new color and I’d have to totally chuck the curtains and comforter and make it more girly. You better hope I choose the house…LOL!

I’m not totally against change…but we might have to compromise on some of it J

The compromise…

---me and *** you:

---I’m going to call somebody to paint the door and rip up the carpet in a few rooms

***no your not. I don’t want it changed. I rather like it.

---Well okay…I’ll paint it myself and rip it up myself and then it’ll be changed

*** no your not. I don’t want it changed. I rather like it. (meanwhile after you come home from work the next day…)

***what did you do to the carpet

---I’m so sorry. I was trying to iron a shirt and the iron fell. I am so sorry about the burn.

***I guess we can either call someone to rip it up and get new carpet or we can do it this weekend.

---Are you sure…Is that really okay

***Sure it is. We’ll get it done this weekend ---Oh great. Let me grab my shoes and we can go look at carpeting. I’m so excited. That my friend…is how compromise goes. LOL!

lol

So you think that’s how it would go?

Pretty much …since you are the woman, and always right J

So it has hit me. The Twilight bug has hit me.
Shazzy let me borrow the New Moon book Tuesday-you know the follow up to Twilight-the 2nd book in the series. I finished it last night at 12:56pm exactly.

My reading ran like this:

"Edward...How can you leave her?" I screamed at the book as I laid on my bed. The plush comforter underneath my skin had no ease on the blow I felt. The disappointment glowered as I debated on rather or not to finish reading the book. "You are such a liar you said you would always love her! You jerk! How could you be so righteously selfish?" the words continued to pour out of my mouth as they lingered in the room. The familiar sting of love lost shuddered through my body. I winced. I continued reading...

Bella slowly lost touch with reality and spiraled in to that pit that only unrequited love can force upon you. How could he have done this? Knowing the very pain she felt I cursed Edward"You jerk. I hope you are tormented everyday. I hate you". But I didn't. I longed for her hurt to go away. For Edward to run back and throw his arms around her. Kiss her forehead. Place his hand upon her chin and tell her everything was going to be okay. But life isn't like that. There's not a gentle hand that comes along to wipe the tears away. There aren't any princes that wrap their arms around you and block out all the pain. Your left with the very real, very knowing that your heart is broken. Nothing can fix it. Nothing can heal it. Nothing can mend it but the very one who broke it. I continued...


Jacob was as sweet as can be. So innocent. So real. So alive. But then the smell of a rose lingers effortlessly and with ease in your mind but the prick of it's thorn leaves a burned image upon your soul. I desperately wanted Edward back... I read on

Jacob wound up being a ware wolf. Bella met the other wolves and was in there presence. All the while though there was something so wreck less, so uninvolved about them. It felt as though I was watching the blue collar comedy group. A complete bunch of uncouth, unsocialized, adolescent boys. How I longed for the refinement of the 'bloodsuckers'. The refined speech of the Cullens. The refinement of Edward. "Where are you Edward? Why? Why? You jerk!" escaped my consciousness through my lips. I craved to know why? I wondered of Jasper...how he was.
Jasper...content with who he is. What he is. Sure of his self. Learning his restraints. I missed Jasper. Missed Edward. Missed Alice. Missed Esme. Missed Emmett. Missed Dr. Carlisle. Missed...well. I had to read on.

Veronica the vampire was still a real threat. Bella hallucinates. I know those hallucinations. I've imagined the feeling of a lost loves arms wrapped around me. Heard there voice say they loved me. But not real. Not there. How can I read this book. I stopped and breathed. But I had to continue on. 'Please Meyer you can't do this' etched through my brain. I need to know that there is an escape in this book. 'Please return Edward' I silently hoped. I begged. I had to read on...

Edward is in trouble. No hint of anger left. He did her horribly. But he was in trouble and she had to go help. I wanted her to help. I yearned for her to help. I needed her to help. I needed Edward to be kept safe. I needed him to know she was still living. I needed her to have the chance, even if he died, for her to have the chance to ask 'why?' and hoped he would tell her. I longed for him to hold her. To comfort her. To want her. To ache for her. To love her. The story continued...

She winds up saving him and he her. We learn that she can dispel most vampire 'talents' involving the mind. I wanted to know more about that but... he held her. Edward held her. Edward kissed her. Edward wrapped his arms around her and made the pain stop. Edward was sorry. Edward wanted her. Edward ached for her. Edward...loved her. I could sleep. The book was through. I was content. Nothing else mattered. Hurt feelings, others, nothing. He loved her. That was all she...
I...
we needed.

and so there I was whining to shazzy 'I'm so mad! He lost my phone and I'm yelling at the top of my lungs and it's like he doesn't even care about my things! Then to top it all off I am just tired. I am tired or repeating the same things over and over...brush your teeth...take a shower...flush the toilet...clean your room...don't be mean to your brother..."

This all over my 13 year old. It's as if you talk into one ear and there it goes out the other; sailing to the next continent.
and my rant continues...
"I mean give me a break. I have told them...
(them being the 9 year old now lumped into the same pile of mess)
...since they were 3 to keep their hands and feet to themselves and not touch things that don't belong to them. I mean...Stop touching my shit"

This rant continues to Shazzy as she just patiently listens.
Yes a big pity party. I am completely aware. None of these are my best adult moments I can tell you. But it is what it is. and I do see it for what it is.

So she goes to the car and talks to them a little that she knows they can do better and so forth.

We go home...I calm down...having gotten it out of my system and still no phone.
Later that evening I tell the boys I am running to Nana's for a moment and will be right back.

Now Nana lives 2 minutes from us. You can walk there and spit 3 times and your there.
I was going to show our pet, we'll call "Napoleon"who is an apple head chihuahua. I had came home that evening to see blood all over is chest. He had gotten into a fight with something and had incisor lacerations and scratches. I wanted her to look to see if he needed stitches. Turns out after bathing him you could see scratch marks and little incisor indents and tears in his skin from a cat who was cornered by a chihuahua with a'little dog' complex. As I am ready to leave my mother says my son left his phone in her truck and I should take it and use it until he produces mine. Sounds like a good idea...so I do.

Today as I am sitting in the car I decide to put a background on his phone using one of his pictures he's taken with his phone. As I am trying to decide which one I find a camera shot of a porn magazine picture with a girl bending over, her skirt hiked up, with a guy behind her. So...now a little upset wondering what the heck is my 13 year old doing when I thought he was keeping it clean , I check his ya-hoo. There is a registration request for Lesbian videos. So now...I'm pretty much what the hell do I say. I don't have a clue how to address this. I am a little taken back right now.

Anyways...Shazzy and I go to lunch and she brings with her the sweetest thing. She made me a t-shirt that has a respect logo on the left chest and on the back a big respect logo with the word 'Respect' printed on it. It was so sweet. So thoughtful. So caring.

'Here's the personal part...and I am not sorry and I make no apologies...this is my story...the incognito dreamer story...'thank you Shazzy. That was very thoughtful and touched my heart. Thank you so much for thinking about me and going beyond just letting me vent to actually making a gesture that says 'hey I feel what your going through. I can empathise. I heard what you had to say and your not in this alone"...Good night Shazzy." (insert boyscout salute here)